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Tuesday, 10 March 2015

Recovery

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.” —  Neil Gaiman

Denial has been a huge part of it. 
The resentment of letting go of something I knew i was good at. 
It was the anticipation and the expectation of something bigger and better than the last. The looming eyes of readers, awaiting another post that could maybe live up to the last.
It was reading other articles, blogs, magazines, statuses and realising that maybe what I had within me just wasn't the great breakthrough I thought I had found.



Yes, it has been way too long since my last blog post. It became a couple of days, and after my regularity of the post every Tuesday and Thursday, my lack of routine got the better of me and I just let it slip further and further from my reach. 
Ideas became lost and my sense of imagination became frozen. I became dull (mentally) and emotionally I didn't have anything to reflect on.



I have been unmotivated for months. Self pity most probably but also I became doubtful in thinking that I could be someone greater than who I was behind the computer screen.

I started working more, I became more involved with my personal and social life and my life as an ambitious blogger was tucked away for a little while.
I don't know why I thought it was a good idea in the first place to stop blogging, but i thought what i had produced was enough to give me a bit of a 'holiday'.



I realised something during my momentary mental break. You never give up on something that you love. If you do, you lose a sense of pride in your every day movements. You lose focus on what it is you really want and you are pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas on where to start your life again.



Really, it was there all along, but because of doubt and lack of self confidence, i was forced to reconsider a life as a blogger or potential journalist.

But yes, alongside my return to the blogosphere, I was also given my opportunity again to re-enter university and continue my long awaited journalism career. *shakes fists in cheering manner*.

Its been a busy few weeks (months) planning and mentally preparing myself for an overdosed work load plus uni degree. But I am hopeful that it could go perfectly well or it could all go south.



Heres hoping that it'll go the first way.

But, after a well deserved smack to the back of the head, I am now back doing what drives my ambition to become a journalist and back blogging. 
Although I can't guarantee the regularity of blogs like last time, I can (maybe) promise that there will never be such a large delay between blogs again.

I think it was my first uni subject lecture that i realised that I had let go or slowly drifted from what it was that drove me there in the first place.
People asked me why it was i chose journalism or what was my 'identifier'. I couldn't really find anything but return with the response 'I'm a blogger' or 'I write for the benefit of others through blogs' and 'I write for enjoyment with the pleasure of it having a purpose'.



And thats when it hit me, that I had blogged in months and if I hadn't blogged in months- it meant that i couldn't really justify or have the privilege of saying it was my hidden talent that has provided me with ambition to be where I am today.

So to clarify, I am back. 
Re-invented with a new flaming hope and drive to make UY just as great as YDNR was. 
Picking up where I left of.


Because recovery isn’t about getting back to how you were before, it’s about building something new.




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