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Tuesday, 16 December 2014

UY: Mejico

I have never been a sharer. I hate sharing especially when it comes down to my food.
However, after visiting Mejico- a Mexican "market to table" restaurant in the Sydney CBD- I was more than happy to be open to the idea of sharing.

Mejico is a unique, modern Mexican restaurant that offers more than just your average taco or enchilada.
To top it off, that have a vast and extraordinary list of tequilas (probably the highlight of my night).

Mejico offers a "market to table" experience, which we got to witness first hand with our guacamole being made for us on the table by our lovely Mexican waiter. Unfortunately, due to too many amaretto sours and tequila's, I forgot his name. I should really start to take a notepad and pen with me!

Although we thought it may be a little pricy- between the 5 of us who dined together to have 6 dishes which by the way left us walking out of the door overly satisfied it was narrowed down to $28 a head including cocktails!

For an inner city Mexican experience we couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces!

Heres what we had- and trust me, we originally had no idea what we were ordering as the menu can be quite hard to decipher what it is you're really going to receive- but we apparently we nailed it on the head as we loved everything that was put in front of us!

Guacamole; smashed table side
Avocados, serrano chilli, toasted pistachios, herbs
& citrus. Served with our golden plantain chips.
$14 (G,V,D)

Chorizo salsa
Pedro Ximénez sherry, smoked black beans, paprika,
Persian feta, hand-cut plantain chips.

Two x Three bean dip
Slow-cooked, smoky, spiced tomato sauce, mozzarella,
hand-cut tortilla chips.
$14 (G,V)

5 piece Pollo
Grilled chicken thigh topped with chorizo, cucumber &
cumin salsa.
$12 (D)

There you have it!
Not a large order of food, and trust me I am a girl that can eat. But this left me full and completely happy. We had lovely staff that served us promptly all night and I think a few of the girls I went to dinner with, fell in love with the Mexican waiter that made our guacamole ;)

The cocktails, although not on their menu which we asked for instead were made beautifully and without an issue.
I had an amaretto sour which kicked my night off and the girls who I dined with all had sangria's.
You could say we felt like we were from sex and the city and we loved every minute of it.

And although I am a student who works casually, this was still one of the most affordable fine dining eats I have had.

Thanks Mejico, You can guarantee I'll be back.

UY x


How losing my phone made me a better person

Its true, 
Having a permanent screen light shining on your face truly brings out an ugly side in someone.
It's such a shame to think that we are so dependant on a device that really acts a vice or comfort and support.

After having my phone shut off, leaving me out of contact from the cyber world for 3 weeks, I learnt a few things about myself.

It wasn't voluntary thats for sure, and I can only admit to you that I tried everything in my power to try and get 'back on the line', until i realised I liked being out of touch and tried to milk it for as long as I could. 

Unfortunately, it just isn't practical to not have a phone these days, with work and walking to my car at dusk and going out to 3am- I need to have a method of communication other than a payphone.

1800-REVERSE isn't ideal when you don't have any change and no one really answers blocked numbers anyway.

Week One

It was excruciating, something I can only imagine would be similar to rehabilitation from some sort of drug. Addicted to scrolling, double tapping, updating and 1- I forgot what it was like to live in a world which didn't revolve around news-feeds.

I tried to switch to my old Nokia- god bless the long life brick that never needs charging. However, after a series of unfortunately events- my Nokia too gave up on me and I was left in the dark once again. 

For some reason that I am unaware of, I took this as a sign that maybe I wasn't meant to have a phone - because it really is once in a lifetime that you ever hear of a Nokia breaking!

Week Two

It was still painful, being out of touch and feeling entirely out of loop of social media. 
However, something started to kick in- a little bit of humanity. 
Going out with friends became more intimate, moments of beauty weren't blurred by my screens camera and I began to understand why my parents never understood our generation.

I began to actually have and hold hours of conversations with people, and in return I became more fulfilled and enriched with the lives of others.

Although we like to believe that our phones and our apps keep us connected with those we love around us- they actually make us more disconnected than ever before.

I had people come up to me and actually mention that they preferred me without my phone- that I was actually a really decent person without that phone in my hand. (Yeah, that one stung a bit).

You never really notice the impact it has on you and your personality when you are constantly on your phone.

Week Three

It had now become a delayed choice to want to get back on the line.
Although people had mentioned that it was time i needed to get a phone because they couldn't call me when they needed to, I knew that if I was get a new phone- I wouldn't be able to succumb to the pressure of becoming a social media and phone addict once again.

I genuinely noticed that I loved being out of reach from the constant use of social media and not even just social media, but out of reach in general.

If people wanted to talk to me- they would go out of their way too.
I know longer had pointless text messages with people about the food I was eating and I wasn't woken up in the middle of the night with drunk phone calls from friends.

I got used to waking up to the sunrise instead of an alarm and I also enjoyed the silence of not being able to be contacted.

I didn't get upset about seeing photos of friends at events that I wasn't invited to, and I became more than just the number of likes that I would get on my photos.

Week Four

Just as soon as I began to live- my no phone phase was shortly lived.

As I mentioned earlier, it is quite unrealistic to not have a phone in our society. So just like many blissful experiences in life- it came to an end.

The iphone 6 is treating my wonderfully however, I cannot say that I am that better person that I was without my phone.
I am once again immersed in the social realm of likes, photos and news-feeds.

As a blogger, I kind of have to be. 

I know its no excuse- but heres showing that I learnt more about who I want to be when I didn't have to be online.

I am trying though, trying to find some middle ground in becoming who I was without a phone whilst still being contactable.

I fell in love with the lifestyle that not having a phone provided me with. It reminded me of when I was 14 and didn't need a phone (but still wanted one).

It's funny how the years have changed that into someone needing a phone but now, not wanting one.

Yes, it's nice being able to be back on facebook and instagram and to be able to be on the phone for hours with friends talking about what I ate in my day- however, silence never hurt anybody.

I do aim to reach my middle ground and somehow find the time to leave my phone at home (accidentally) every now and again just to get a few hours of tranquility.

But, for the time being all I have is this blog post and the memory. So I thought I'd share.

That is all for now!


Wednesday, 3 December 2014

UY @ Bavarian Bier Cafe

Got burger happy today and treated myself to another burger at the Bavarian Bier Cafe.
Must say, its been a while since I have indulged in the german inspired atmosphere.

Missing the good ol' Lowenbrau days when I used to work with Urban Purveyor at Sake Restaurant and Bar, tonight took me down memory lane as I treated myself to a classic Bavarian Bier Burger:
THE BIG SCHULZ BURGER | Char-Grilled Wagyu Beef | Served Medium | Brioche Charred Bacon | Cheddar | Farm Fresh Egg | Onions | BBQ Sauce 

A little bit more expensive than the average burger bar, but was totally worth the $18 and after an Amaretto Sour or two, I didn't mind.

Perfect meal which made a perfect end to a stormy day here in Sydney!



I get up at 2pm. I have a late lunchy type- breakfast substitute thing, i watch tv and already its dinner time. What the hell am i doing.
Are you the same? What are you doing with your days?

As a uni student on break and for someone that works, i didnt do anything. My life for the past 12 months has been nothing but dismal. Had i not moved to sydney or met some incredible people in the past 6 months, i would of continued to watch my life pass by...

Because of lack of friends, or no motivation i spent most of my days in my room. With the door locked and movies on repeat. I never saw the world for what it was and i just let each day pass. A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR! gone. down the drain and i have nothing to look back on. And it sucks to say, but i didnt do anything with my time. I got out of bed when i needed to, i went to work, i went to uni...but on my time off? I did 'sweet fuck all'.

And. i. regret. every. moment. of. it.

Sure its okay for a couple of days when your on holiday...but if your life turns into this massive bubble where you become comfortable lying in pyjamas all day and not breathing fresh air. There is a problem.

Some might call it depression, laziness or just down right idiotic not to go outside and appreciate the world we have around us.

This became a realisation for me about 4 months ago. When i decided i would move to sydney and all of sudden i had nothing to say goodbye to in brisbane. I had nothing to miss. And thats when it hit me. What had i done there? I hadnt appreciated the scenic night lights or trying to meet the hundreds of people roaming the streets or even just joining in on the local opportunities in the area. I had blocked out the world and in return- i was left with nothing.

It takes courage and motivation to get out of bed and go out and do different things outside of your daily schedule. Im not asking you to go up to randoms and talk to them. All i am saying is try to make the most out of what you have. Dont run away or hide- you have nothing to lose, but such incredible things to gain.

Anyway- back to my timeline. It was around september so about 8 months wasted away in my room had already passed, when all of a sudden it hit me, i want to make the most out of this. I want to meet some new people- people who are now friends for life. I want to remember going out- i want to make crazy memories which i will later on, tell my future grandkids.

SO I GOT UP. I showered and left my sanctuary (shit-hole) to experience the unknown. I went to art galleries, i went to basement pubs and walked paths which i had no clue where the hell would end up taking me. I started instigating situations which meant meeting new people, tasting new foods and trying all sorts of alcohol. Every dollar and every minute was worth it. I learnt new things about the small city around me, i learnt that each person has their own story to tell and i realised that in this big wide world (which scared the hell out of me)- i wasnt alone.

Although you believe that its so hard to meet new people and that new people cant match up to your old friends... or new experiences, cant replace your old ones- THEY CAN.
I have developed a whole new persona and a whole new outlook on life just because i told myself 'fuck it, what have i got to lose'.

Sure, it might of taken a few weeks- months even, but i got there. And i can happily say that ill never go back. I might still sleep in till 2 everyday, but i only have myself to blame if i do that. Set your alarm, get up, go for a walk. Listen to the birds around you, look at the people running along the beach or running for their last bus, watch and learn. It'll open your eyes to a whole new world, one which you chose to block out in the first place.

If you find yourself in your room, sleeping in all day, working all night and just buried in misery... i promise you, take a walk. Its something that i can easily resonate with. I am probably the worlds laziest person. It took years for me to realise that i was missing out on living a teenage life. I worked all night and studied all day, and so when i had time to kick my feet up, i didnt take advantage of that. I didnt appreciate the times where i could stay out all night to 6 am and watch the sunrise. I didnt get up and make eggs and bacon and go walking along the river. I didnt go to the movies or go to a play- instead i let moments like those pass. I cant hate myself for it and neither should you. All i can do is learn from my mistakes and realise that i can change for the better.

Help yourself. Live your life and make the most out of it. Appreciate what you have and what is around you, because who knows, you might surprise yourself.

Thats all for now. Sorry if this blog is a little direct, but it was a massive wake up call to me, and it might actually be a little harsh awakening to some of you out there.
But feel free to email me or facebook me if you are stuck or you find your self nodding and saying "yep, i know how that feels", because like i said, you aren't alone and the world is full of hidden opportunities.

Ciao bloggers, until next time! x


There are so many photos.
Ones that hold memories that i didn't even know i had.

Memories of someone who i tried to change.
Photos of him.
Especially photos of him.

Images that bring joy but contain sadness.

I stared at a photo of him.
 I was smiling, but it didn't bring joy.
However, it no longer brought pain.

I was waiting
Waiting to feel that sharp pain when i missed you.
Instead i caught myself trying to remember if i knew you.

I saw a girl who loved.
I looked upon someone who i wasn't anymore.

Photos with him.
Photos of me.
Memories that i would always remember.
Moments that i was forced to let slip away.

I saw a photo of us.
I tried to feel what i felt at that moment.
I couldn't feel anything.

I will never bring myself to delete the photos.
Erase the memories of someone who was apart of me.
I will never remove the image of you.

I didn't know how or when 
i was going to forget what it was like to know you.

I remember that it was love of some kind.
I no longer miss it.
I cant even remember what it felt like.
I didn't notice that i stopped missing it.

Obviously i was happy.
I assume it was what my life revolved around.
Naturally i want to feel it again.
However i will never know what it feels like
 until it happens again.

I don't know the signs.
I cant imagine the emotions.
I cant remember how bright the days were,
 when you were around. 
Although I have also forgotten how dark you made the nights,
 when you were gone. 

Isn't it funny.
How photos are the only thing that keep a memory in tact.
They don't contain emotions or time.
They hold colour, shape and lines.
They hold a piece of memory.
But they leave out everything that made that moment worthy,
 of having its picture taken.

I know i used to feel pain.
I remember crying, suffering and the silence.

I cant remember why.
I didn't notice when it stopped.

It disappeared.
Just like the moments do after the photo is taken.

No one takes photos of sad moments.
Or of miserable people.

Everyone only wants to remember the good.
But the joyous times and the happy people,
they are what everyone forgets.

What made us cry.
What made us scream.
What made us lose sleep.

Everyone remembers those moments.
They don't need a photo to remind them of what it felt like.
The pain and the hurt took care of that.

So when i try to remember you.
I cant look at a photo.
It wont trigger anything.

I cant look at a photo of us and remember
how you made me feel.
It wont send shivers down my spine remembering 
how we kissed or what it felt like when you held my hand.

When i try to remember you.
Ill remember our last phone call.
The nights i lost sleep over you.

Ill think back to when i cried.
When i curled up with an empty stomach.
When i sat out in the cold thinking,
 that a thousand broken bones,
couldn't be as painful as this.

When i try to think back to what it was like to be loved.
What it felt like to be with you?

Ill remember that the photos don't show what was worthy.
The pain and the suffering of letting you go,
was what showed me you were worth something.

The tears and the anguish,
were the real definition of the photographs.

And now?

All that i'm left with,
 is knowing that everyday of hurt,
every day that made my body ache,
every day i spent letting you go,

are the days that kept me from forgetting you entirely.



I wanted people to see me for what i was becoming, not for who i was.
I loved the idea that i was physically pleasing and it satisfied my desire to fit in.
I fell in love with the control i had, how easy it was, 
and that power blurred my vision of reality.

I don't know whether this is the right thing to talk about.
It terrifies people and it entices others.
Its something that everyone has heard of, some have experienced and 
others have considered.

Its medically known,
it is labelled and cured... sometimes.


Two commonly thrown around words.

A girl can't be skinny without being seen as a possible anorexia or bulimic.
A girl who is seen to be overweight is told that maybe 
anorexia or bulimia maybe a better option..

This is not okay.

I was 15. 
I loved my family, my friends and i thought i loved myself too.
I was at a school where there were a lot of skinny girls.
Naturally skinny.
They were beautiful and every day i wanted to become as beautiful as they were.

I was jealous. 
The 'box gap' became an iconic image or characteristic in a girl.
If you didn't have one, you weren't as 'hot' as the other girls.

It tore me apart.
There were other things going on in my life at the time.
Family issues which i will not dive into.
However, they may or may not have played a role in this.
I will never know.

I thought what i was doing was acceptable.
I wanted to enjoy the pleasure of eating bad foods.
Mcdonalds, chocolate, lollies... the lot.
What i didn't want, was the weight that came with it.

I wanted a six pack, box gap, skinny arms.
I wanted my bones to show and my skin to be thin.

I wanted people to see me as beautiful.

What i didn't know was that with every time i leaned over that toilet boil,
i was becoming less and less beautiful.

It seemed easy. 
Too easy.

No body notices for a while.

One day you go to a party or go to school and your shirt is loose,
or your jeans are baggy and all of a sudden, 
people recognise.

"you've lost so much weight"
"You look good, what are you doing"?

Its rewarding for a while.
People acknowledge you for looking good and having a nice figure.

Three weeks later, the comments change from being rewarding,
to being concerned.

"Are you okay"?
"What have you eaten today"?
"You look really tiny, its not normal"
"Your way too thin"
"Are you sick"?

I was too far in.
I enjoyed the comments.
The sudden attention from the way i looked.
People who never spoke to me, started to stare.
People who didn't know me, started to talk to me...
or about me.

I wasn't too concerned with what i was doing.

After every meal i would throw up.
Simple as that.
People throw up all the time.
What harm could it do?

It started off being after bad foods.
Then it became after normal meals- healthy meals even.
Then it became after liquids and drinks.

It started off as something small, 
then it became something that controlled my life.

It became a habit, 
and if i didn't do it,
i would beat myself up for it.

I needed this.
I needed to be skinny.
I needed the control.

No one could take that away from me.

It was late at night. 
A couple of hours after dinner.
My family was going to bed and i went to have a shower.

It was always the time i would do it.
The water running and music playing in the bathroom.
No one would hear me reaching down my throat.

Chunks of food would stray in the drain.
It would take 5 minutes and it would be all out.
This time i wouldn't get away with it.

I forgot to lock the door. 
Mum came in to say goodnight.
It was the first time she realised.

It hurt.
Seeing her, see me.
Thin and fragile, crouched down in the shower.
Head bent over the drain with food in it.

It wasn't a look of disappointment or anger.
It wasn't a look of concern or disgust.
She looked at me with fear.
With love.

It was the first moment she had seen me fully exposed.
She didn't try to tell me it was bad, or tell me off,
 or try to say that what i was doing was wrong.

She loved me.
She told me she accepted what i was doing and that she
would do everything in her power to make this okay again.

She told me she would be there for me.
Help me.
Lead me back to who i used to be.

I got out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror.
Who was i?
I did't look like her daughter anymore.

What seemed like a couple of days of throwing up,
was actually a couple of months.

I didn't realise that i had lost so much weight.
I got caught up in changing the way i looked,
 that i forgot to actually see what i looked like.

I weighed 47 kilos.
My hair was breaking.
My throat hurt.
 I couldn't participate in activities because they were too tiresome.

I had lost the control to maintain who i was.
I became someone who bulimia wanted me to be.

I denied that it was bulimia.
I knew what it was, but i didn't
believe that i had the mental disorder.

I was a perfectly healthy teenager.
Well, i thought i was.

I saw counsellors.
I was sent to doctors.
They all told me the same thing.

"You are underweight".
"If you don't stop now, you will end up in hospital".
"You are killing yourself".
"You are ill".
"We are monitoring you".

The scales were judgemental.
Every time i stood on them, they would tell me who i was becoming in 
measurements of kilos and grams.

I was becoming a number,
not a human being.

I was losing myself to a statistic.

The doctors were never impressed when my weight decreased.
They weren't worried or concerned.
I was just another girl who wanted to be skinny.

Thing is,
I no longer wanted to be thin.
I didn't want to look good in a bikini.
I just became addicted to people caring about me.

I loved that people feared what was happening to me.
I loved that they paid attention now.

It seems horrible and disgusting.
But i don't know if that was me or the bulimia talking.

I'm okay now.
I struggle with my weight like every other 18 year old girl.
I go on juice cleanses and diets and
try to exercise regularly.
But i also know that i don't want to be that person anymore.

I eat healthily, 
but i also allow myself to indulge in the finer things.

I have freedom of my power,
and i know now, not to let it control me.

What's not okay is that,
it will always be there.

I can never really say that i don't have it.
Once you have an eating disorder, 
it stays with you forever.

Whether you act upon it,
is an entirely different thing.

I have to watch myself.
That i don't get carried away with over eating or
under eating.

I have to be careful that i don't cross that line again,
now that i know its there.

I love who i am now,
and i hate that i succumbed to an eating disorder 
and let the physical appearance of myself, 
adhere my judgements of what was right and wrong.

I am completely open and honest about what i went through.
I believe that a lot of people should know what its like.
What really happens to someone when they become anorexia or bulimic.

its self inflicted and that we only have ourselves to blame.
But when we have it, 
we aren't ourselves.

We become the eating disorder,
and we lose sight of who we are.

We become addicted to the control, 
and we lose track of the power we gain.

We become greedy and fall in too deep.
We fall so far into the disorder that we can no longer reach for help.

That why i am so grateful.
That I have a supportive family.
I have loving friends.

That i have a safety net, that i didn't know existed.

I am so thankful, that my parents were there.
That they accepted me,
taught me from the beginning, 
what was right and wrong.

That my sister, held my hand.
She looked at me the same and she 
loved every single bit left of me.

That when i was at my lowest point in life,
that i was able to stand up and walk again.

Its the truth.
These things happen.
And we can't prevent them from happening.

We just have to accept that this is life.
These things happen and we have to learn 
to overcome them.

That they can be overcome.
That even the most fortunate people,
can suffer from things such as eating disorders.

That people who are happy, 
may be the saddest.

That people who you don't even know,
struggle just as much as you do.

I apologise that this blog is long.
But i have thought long and hard about what i have wanted to say on this issue.
I am not afraid nor concerned about what people think when they read this.
I just hope that people take this seriously.

I hope that people consider the effects of an eating disorder. 
That its not something to throw around lightly, 
and its not to be seen as an attention seeking issue.

That people who suffer from these disorders,
are still people.

That we are every bit the same as who we were,
that we should be loved just as much as the person next to us.

That we will be okay,
just as long as we are shown that we are okay.

That tomorrow is a new day,
and with support and love,
that tomorrow will be the end of today.

if you would like to contact me on the matter,
please feel free to message me.
My details are on my contact page..

Thank you for reading bloggers.

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